(Excerpt from book)
The last class of my old professor’s life took place once a week in his house, by a window in the study where he could watch a small hibiscus plant shed its pink leaves. The class met on Tuesdays. It began after breakfast. The subject was “The Meaning of Life.” It was taught from experience.
No books were required, yet many topics were covered, including love, work, community, family, aging, forgiveness, and finally, death. The last lecture was brief, only a few words.
A funeral was held in lieu of graduation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During the summer of 1999, as a recent high school graduate and soon to be college student at the University of Central Arkansas, I was required to read a book as a part of a summer reading program. This would be the first and last year this program would take place.
The book, Tuesday’s with Morrie, was about an ambitious, incredibly successful sports writer who after years of “losing touch” finally re-connects with a beloved college professor, mentor, friend. The relationship was re-established just as if nothing had changed from the college days… except, the college professor only has a few months to live. He is dying from ALS – Lou Gehrig’s disease, a terminal disease that eats away the muscles of the body, eventually affecting your lungs… suffocating you. Everything week the writer mets with his professor to learn "life" lessons from dying.
I remember reading that book thinking, “what does a depressing story about a dying old man have to do with me?" The answer to that question would slap me in the face 8 ½ years later when my mother and I escorted my dad to a clinic in Dallas. The diagnosis, ALS.
This book, provided a great sense of understanding and peace. The following excerpt proved to be especially meaningful…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“We are so afraid of death,” Morrie told me when I sat down. Morrie coughed. He was coughing all the time now.
“I read a book the other day. It said as soon as someone dies in a hospital, they pull the sheets up over their head, and they wheel the body to some chute and push it down. They can’t wait to get it out of their sight. People act as if death is contagious.”
“It’s not contagious, you know. Death is as natural as life. It’s part of the deal we made.”
He coughed again, and I moved back and waited, always braced for something serious. Morrie had been having bad nights lately. Frightening nights. He could sleep only a few hours at a time before violent hacking spells woke him. The nurses would come into the bedroom, pound him on the back, try to bring up the poison. Even if they got him breathing normally again – “normally” meaning with the help of the oxygen machine – the fight left him fatigued the whole next day.
The oxygen tube was up his nose now. I hated the sight of it. To me, it symbolized helplessness. I wanted to pull it out.
“Last night…” Morrie said softly.
“… I had a terrible spell. It went on for hours. And I really wasn’t sure I was going to make it. No breath. No end to the choking. At one point, I started to get dizzy… and then I felt a certain peace, I felt that I was ready to go.”
His eyes widened. “Mitch, it was a most incredible feeling. The sensation of accepting what was happening, being at peace. I was thinking about a dream I had last week, where I was crossing a bridge into something unknown. Being ready to move on to whatever is next.”
But you didn’t.
Morrie waited a moment. He shook his head slightly.
“No, I didn’t. But I felt that I could. Do you understand?”
“That’s what we’re all looking for. A certain peace with the idea of dying. If we know, in the end, that we can ultimately have that peace with dying, then we can finally do the really hard thing.”
Which is?
“Make peace with living.”
He asked to see the hibiscus plant on the ledge behind him. I cupped it in my hand and held it up near his eyes. He smiled.
“It’s natural to die,” he said again. “The fact that we make such a big hullabaloo over it is all because we don’t see ourselves as part of nature. We think because we’re human we’re something above nature.”
He smiled at the plant.
“We’re not. Everything that gets born, dies.” He looked at me.
“Do you accept that?”
Yes.
“All right,” he whispered, “now here’s the payoff. Here is how we ARE different from these wonderful plants and animals.”
“As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on – in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”
His voice was raspy, which usually meant he needed to stop for a while. I placed the plant back on the ledge and went to shut off the tape recorder, but not before he said, “Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
During this time there was an experimental drug on the market that would delay the effects of ALS by a few months at most.
“Not for me,” Morrie said, dismissing it.
In all the time he was sick, Morrie never held out hope he would be cured. He was realistic to a fault. One time, I asked if someone were to wave a magic wand and make him all better, would he become, in time, the man he had been before? (the pendulum)
He shook his head. “No way I could go back. I am a different self now. I’m different in my attitudes. I’m different appreciating my body, which I didn’t do fully before. I’m different in terms of trying to grapple with the big questions, the ultimate questions, the ones that won’t go away.”
“That’s the thing, you see. Once you get your fingers on the important questions, you can’t turn away from them.”
And which are the important questions?
“As I see it, they have to do with love, responsibility, spirituality, awareness. And if I were healthy today, those would still be my issues. They should have been all along.”
I tried to imagine Morrie healthy. I tried to imagine him pulling the covers from his body, stepping from that chair, the two of us going for a walk around the neighborhood, the way we used to walk around campus. I suddenly realized it had been sixteen years since I’d seen him standing up. Sixteen years?
What if you had one day perfectly healthy, I asked? What would you do?
“Twenty-four hours?”
Twenty-four hours.
“Let’s see… I’d get up in the morning, do my exercises, have a lovely breakfast of sweet rolls and tea, go for a swim, then have my friends come over for a nice lunch. I’d have them come over two at a time so we could talk about their families, their issues, talk about how much we mean to each other.”
“Then I’d go for a walk, in a garden with some trees, watch their colors, watch the birds, take in the nature that I haven’t seen in so long now.”
”In the evening, we’d all go together to a restaurant with some great pasta, maybe some duck – I love duck- and then we’d dance the rest of night. I’d dance with all the wonderful dance partners out there, until I was exhausted. And then I’d go home and have a deep, wonderful sleep.”
That’s it?
“That’s it.”
It was so simple. So average. I was actually a little disappointed. I figured he’d fly to Italy or have lunch with the President or romp on the seashore or try every exotic thing he could think of. After all these months, lying there, unable to move a leg or foot – how could he find perfection in such an average day?
Then I realized this was the whole point.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Growing up, my dad taught some powerful lessons through his actions and words. I can replace a transmission on a ’69 Ford truck. Grow my own vegetables. Swing a hammer, shoot a gun. He taught me to work hard, always do my best, be respectful, be humble.
But the greatest lesson he ever taught was during his final 6 months… a time when he could not speak… and his mobility was severely limited.
During that time it was perfectly clear what a “perfect day” was… simply having his family by his side.
Nothing more, nothing less.
His wife, two sons, and daughter... by his side.
No entertainment required, no celebrations, no activities… just being together.
Something we all take for granted for so many years. Something so simple. Maybe that’s the point.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Teaching Real Life
UPDATE: During the previous post I mentioned a good friend who had decided to remain in Little Rock despite having committed to moving to Texas for a job offer. About 2 weeks later the company offered him a slightly different job... and he took it. So apparently his reasoning the first time around wasn't too deeply entrenched.
Yesterday I began my second tour of duty with Junior Ahievement of Arkansas. Basically I have volunteered to teach economics and free enterprise to middle school students (9th graders). I've found this program taps into a passion I have of teaching people "real" stuff. I remember coming up through the public school system and learning algebra, and geometry, physical science, and history. I understand that a basic understanding of those concepts are incredibly important, if only to allow you to obtain a college degree. However, the most interesting and memorable times I remember where when we were exposed to real world examples of things... choices that had to made, ways to use what we learned, information about real jobs, stories about college experiences, etc.
The Junior Achievement program provides materials including a teacher and student workbook, games, posters, etc. Of course, I try to follow the lesson as closely as possible while adding some volunteer insight into my life and career. It was interesting to note that yesterday, though we talked for 1 1/2 hours, played a board game, and had fun... the time when the class the most engaged was when I was describing a decision I had to make regarding changing careers. Those students who were unattentive during class, suddenly began acting questions about how I made the decision. This discussion led to a fairly long discussion about base salary vs. commission jobs, benefits, vacation time, additional perks, etc. That's exactly what we are trying to do... get these kids thinking about their future... how important it is to stay in school, make good decisions, and follow their skills, interests, and values into a career.
I have two more visits scheduled for this class... my goal is to find more and more opportunities to engage these students in conversation about real life... I believe that's where the learning takes place.
Yesterday I began my second tour of duty with Junior Ahievement of Arkansas. Basically I have volunteered to teach economics and free enterprise to middle school students (9th graders). I've found this program taps into a passion I have of teaching people "real" stuff. I remember coming up through the public school system and learning algebra, and geometry, physical science, and history. I understand that a basic understanding of those concepts are incredibly important, if only to allow you to obtain a college degree. However, the most interesting and memorable times I remember where when we were exposed to real world examples of things... choices that had to made, ways to use what we learned, information about real jobs, stories about college experiences, etc.
The Junior Achievement program provides materials including a teacher and student workbook, games, posters, etc. Of course, I try to follow the lesson as closely as possible while adding some volunteer insight into my life and career. It was interesting to note that yesterday, though we talked for 1 1/2 hours, played a board game, and had fun... the time when the class the most engaged was when I was describing a decision I had to make regarding changing careers. Those students who were unattentive during class, suddenly began acting questions about how I made the decision. This discussion led to a fairly long discussion about base salary vs. commission jobs, benefits, vacation time, additional perks, etc. That's exactly what we are trying to do... get these kids thinking about their future... how important it is to stay in school, make good decisions, and follow their skills, interests, and values into a career.
I have two more visits scheduled for this class... my goal is to find more and more opportunities to engage these students in conversation about real life... I believe that's where the learning takes place.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Decision Mountain
Monday was a tough day to get motivated. I woke late, ate lunch late, and finally decided it wasn't worth going in to work. I decided to climb Pinnacle at around 3pm. This is my thinking place... my time to ponder my life and goals... and more recently a place to simplify my life.
Before I left, I noticed a good friend had called and so I called him back. It was immediately noticable to me that he needed to talk. I said I was climbing Pinnacle and he was welcome to come... so he did.
He had recently taken extensive action on a life changing decision. He was reconsidering that move and needed to talk through it. By the time we descended, he had much more clarity, I did not get my quite time, and there was actually more tension and anxiety than when we climbed. We both agreed that there's more to life than what we're experiencing. We both agree that by working together we could create something big... something we enjoy doing for a living. Now it's a matter of determing what "that" would be... starting from scratch? Finding financing and buying something in existence? Partnering with an existing owner? More questions than answers!
Back to work.
Before I left, I noticed a good friend had called and so I called him back. It was immediately noticable to me that he needed to talk. I said I was climbing Pinnacle and he was welcome to come... so he did.
He had recently taken extensive action on a life changing decision. He was reconsidering that move and needed to talk through it. By the time we descended, he had much more clarity, I did not get my quite time, and there was actually more tension and anxiety than when we climbed. We both agreed that there's more to life than what we're experiencing. We both agree that by working together we could create something big... something we enjoy doing for a living. Now it's a matter of determing what "that" would be... starting from scratch? Finding financing and buying something in existence? Partnering with an existing owner? More questions than answers!
Back to work.
Game Night
Short summary:
Ashley and I were planning on attending game night... stepping out of her comfort zone by going to a game night where she only knew two of the people. We arrived and there was no one there! We drove around the block... comptemplated not going... then I parked across the road where we could see the driveway... waiting for someone else to arrive. We finally decided to at least go in and say hello... with excuse to leave in hand. We set a time of 7:11pm to make our move. I reversed, pulled up to the curb... and it was like a cartoon - 5 other cars pulled up within 30 seconds!
Had a great time playing catch phrase... however, Ashley figured out that this was a small group that meets on a weekly basis. She didn't realize that on the front end.
Although, I'm glad we went.
Ashley and I were planning on attending game night... stepping out of her comfort zone by going to a game night where she only knew two of the people. We arrived and there was no one there! We drove around the block... comptemplated not going... then I parked across the road where we could see the driveway... waiting for someone else to arrive. We finally decided to at least go in and say hello... with excuse to leave in hand. We set a time of 7:11pm to make our move. I reversed, pulled up to the curb... and it was like a cartoon - 5 other cars pulled up within 30 seconds!
Had a great time playing catch phrase... however, Ashley figured out that this was a small group that meets on a weekly basis. She didn't realize that on the front end.
Although, I'm glad we went.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The Foundation of something great...
50 something young college or career aged people looking to create relationships with others seeking something more... that was the scene at The Foundry's first event at Allsop park. An unambiguous success!
A cookout with burgers and dogs... chips, cookies, cokes.... kickball and football. New friends, lots of fun. I can't wait to keep this ball rolling!!!
A cookout with burgers and dogs... chips, cookies, cokes.... kickball and football. New friends, lots of fun. I can't wait to keep this ball rolling!!!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Shame on the forecasters... we woke up to no snow on the ground this morning. However, many of the schools around central Arkanas cancelled classes due to the forcasted weather today. And good thing they did... we probably have about 2 inches of it on the ground as I am typing this.
Despite the cold, sleety/snowy weather this morning, I braved the elements to attend the Maumelle Blvd Wal-Mart Grand opening. It was quite a spectacle. Presenting of the colors by the boy scouts, national anthem, alot of talking and recognizing people, ribbon cutting by both the Maumelle and North Little Rock chambers and some ribbing from the NLR Mayor Patrick Hayes regarding getting all the sales tax revenue from the new facility when it's just feet from the Maumelle border. My opinion, Maumelle should have been more agressive in creating the right atmosphere for the company to locate inside their city limits.
It's been a slow day here at work. Central Arkanas shuts down when freezing temps and moisture collide. However, I did receive a call from a guy in California (65 degrees & Sunny by the way) regarding a building he owns in Little Rock. He's potentially looking to sell. I'll know more next week.
I received a text message first thing this morning from a friend in Springfield, MO. He asked if I heard about someone from our hometown being in a fatal car accident. After some followup with my mother and sister (a news reporter whose husband is a fire fighter) I found it to be true. An acquaintance from my childhood through my brother and also church was in a one car accident with his wife and kids. Both he and his wife were killed... thankfully the kids survived. The accident happened on the road that leads to our house and my sister's house in Atlanta. Something like this really makes me stop and pray for the safety of my family... and also remember the consequences of a few moments of distraction.
Despite the cold, sleety/snowy weather this morning, I braved the elements to attend the Maumelle Blvd Wal-Mart Grand opening. It was quite a spectacle. Presenting of the colors by the boy scouts, national anthem, alot of talking and recognizing people, ribbon cutting by both the Maumelle and North Little Rock chambers and some ribbing from the NLR Mayor Patrick Hayes regarding getting all the sales tax revenue from the new facility when it's just feet from the Maumelle border. My opinion, Maumelle should have been more agressive in creating the right atmosphere for the company to locate inside their city limits.
It's been a slow day here at work. Central Arkanas shuts down when freezing temps and moisture collide. However, I did receive a call from a guy in California (65 degrees & Sunny by the way) regarding a building he owns in Little Rock. He's potentially looking to sell. I'll know more next week.
I received a text message first thing this morning from a friend in Springfield, MO. He asked if I heard about someone from our hometown being in a fatal car accident. After some followup with my mother and sister (a news reporter whose husband is a fire fighter) I found it to be true. An acquaintance from my childhood through my brother and also church was in a one car accident with his wife and kids. Both he and his wife were killed... thankfully the kids survived. The accident happened on the road that leads to our house and my sister's house in Atlanta. Something like this really makes me stop and pray for the safety of my family... and also remember the consequences of a few moments of distraction.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The beginning of the end... in a good way. I received the fully executed purchase/sale agreement for the trailer park in Conway that will pay me more than I made in 12 months at my previous job. A major hurdle in getting the terms of the deal negotiated has been cleared, but a huge hurdle still remains... getting to the closing table. I am fortunate to be representing a buyer that I know has the ability to perform... and we're working with an educated seller. Considering those two factors, I think we have a better than normal chance of making it work. However, if I have learned one thing from this business - it doesn't count until it hits your bank account.
I attended the "Intro" leads group at the Chamber of Commerce today. This seems to be a useful group, and I saw a couple of familar faces within the business community. However, as with many meetings, the execution by the faciliator could have been performed at a much higher level. I am of the mindset that if you are going to be doing something already... why not make it the best it could be???
Surprised my lil brother today by picking him up from school. I scored tickets for the Cirque du Soliel for him and me. Speaking of the Cirque... I was absolutely amazed by the performance. Not because I envy their acrobatic abilities... but the absolutely perfection they dispalyed in the routine. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I perfecting my speaking abilities or my sales skills to that level. Would people come from around the country and pay to see me perform? Probably not, but it would help pad my wallet.
Immediately following the Cirque, I attended the PCRC (Pulaski County Republican Meeting). Although I've been told that I "should" be there, I've yet to figure out why. Since the new board has began, I know things are getting done (recruiting candidates, precinct chairman, etc). However, they are being done on a one-to-one basis, not in a committee meeting. Let's get some purpose behind these things.
The weather men are predicting 4-6" of snow through the night and for tomorrow. My company's trip to Hot Springs is already cancelled, schools are already cancelled, etc. I fully expect to be snowed in tomorrow morning.
I attended the "Intro" leads group at the Chamber of Commerce today. This seems to be a useful group, and I saw a couple of familar faces within the business community. However, as with many meetings, the execution by the faciliator could have been performed at a much higher level. I am of the mindset that if you are going to be doing something already... why not make it the best it could be???
Surprised my lil brother today by picking him up from school. I scored tickets for the Cirque du Soliel for him and me. Speaking of the Cirque... I was absolutely amazed by the performance. Not because I envy their acrobatic abilities... but the absolutely perfection they dispalyed in the routine. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I perfecting my speaking abilities or my sales skills to that level. Would people come from around the country and pay to see me perform? Probably not, but it would help pad my wallet.
Immediately following the Cirque, I attended the PCRC (Pulaski County Republican Meeting). Although I've been told that I "should" be there, I've yet to figure out why. Since the new board has began, I know things are getting done (recruiting candidates, precinct chairman, etc). However, they are being done on a one-to-one basis, not in a committee meeting. Let's get some purpose behind these things.
The weather men are predicting 4-6" of snow through the night and for tomorrow. My company's trip to Hot Springs is already cancelled, schools are already cancelled, etc. I fully expect to be snowed in tomorrow morning.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Filing Day...
I'll fill in the blanks later... but today I completed the filing process for the November elections. To describe the process as uninspiring would be and understatement. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it was something other than what I got - a short meeting at the party headquarters where I signed about 12 different papers - a check for $500 to file - then a trip to the county clerk to sign more papers. I won't go into detail about not having the correct papers... those are the little querks that go with life that must be expected, especially when dealing with the government.
I also began meeting with my mentor for Toastmasters today. We had a great 1 1/2 hour lunch and talked about everything from my upcoming speech contest to politics to the sales profession. I am looking forward to gleaning more information from him as we continue to work together.
My good friend has recently been in a complex situation regarding a job offer. Unfortunately this offer comes from a company who depends on my friend's current company as its largest customer... and on top of that they have been accused of recruiting away employees in the past. Long story very short... he asked my advice, I gave it, he disregarded it, now he's in a tought situation.
I feel like a new man today. After breaking the screen on my "touch screen" cell phone about 3 weeks ago... I finally was able to get my Alltel phone up and working today. I had to wait until today to avoid paying a fee to break my Sprint contract. Understandable, but frustrating. I've moved into the rhealm of the Blackberry... and will likely never go back. This thing is pretty amazing... GPS, email from all accounts, full keyboard, internet, wireless updates with my Outlook, etc. I'm still trying to figure out everything this thing can do.
I received a phone call from my sister tonight. Apparently my mom decided to go ahead and schedule my dad's doctor's surgery without letting us know. However, in her defense, she may have tried calling today. During the great phone switch of 2008... I could not receive phone calls for about 6 hours.
I also began meeting with my mentor for Toastmasters today. We had a great 1 1/2 hour lunch and talked about everything from my upcoming speech contest to politics to the sales profession. I am looking forward to gleaning more information from him as we continue to work together.
My good friend has recently been in a complex situation regarding a job offer. Unfortunately this offer comes from a company who depends on my friend's current company as its largest customer... and on top of that they have been accused of recruiting away employees in the past. Long story very short... he asked my advice, I gave it, he disregarded it, now he's in a tought situation.
I feel like a new man today. After breaking the screen on my "touch screen" cell phone about 3 weeks ago... I finally was able to get my Alltel phone up and working today. I had to wait until today to avoid paying a fee to break my Sprint contract. Understandable, but frustrating. I've moved into the rhealm of the Blackberry... and will likely never go back. This thing is pretty amazing... GPS, email from all accounts, full keyboard, internet, wireless updates with my Outlook, etc. I'm still trying to figure out everything this thing can do.
I received a phone call from my sister tonight. Apparently my mom decided to go ahead and schedule my dad's doctor's surgery without letting us know. However, in her defense, she may have tried calling today. During the great phone switch of 2008... I could not receive phone calls for about 6 hours.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I typically do not look forward to the weekly sales meeting on Tuesday mornings. I usually have to report that I have still not sold anything significant. However, this morning was supposed to be different. I recently brokered a large land deal in Conway and this morning was going to be the big announcement! When my turn to report came, I said confidently, "1 under contract for..." The office manager cut me off with "did you get the fully executed contract?" Woops, I was still waiting on another signature. Luckily I didn't spill the beans about the commission amount. That's the big surprise. At least this gives me a chance to look forward to next week.
Jeff (the president of the company) and I have lunch every Tuesday following the sales meeting. A couple of weeks ago he introduced me to a small cafe inside the Harvest Foods store. We again visited that cafe today. Fried chicken, green beans, and sweet potatoes with a roll and sweat tea. That's hard to beat for $4.99. Discussions between Jeff and I typically stay business related, deals I'm working, prospecting, and questions I have etc. However, today I told him about my dad's doctors appointment yesterday. I wanted to open up with him and tell him about how I feel selfish for pursuing this profession when I could be making more money (now) somewhere else. However, I just ended up explaining dad's medical situation (I'm weak).
Unfortunately, my motorcycle has been sitting out in the weather ever since it starting leaking gas under the stairway at my apartment. My building got a nice little note saying "someone's motorcycle is leaking gas and smelling up the building, please move it immediately." So I did... into the parking lot... in the rain... and ice. Obviously, this is not good for the motorcycle... or me, mentally, because I know it should be covered. I finally had the opportunity today to take care of it. A great opportunity to take the bike to Dustin's presented itself... The only problem, it was 43 degrees. I bundled up... gassed up... and made the trip without incident... just cold hands.
Jeff (the president of the company) and I have lunch every Tuesday following the sales meeting. A couple of weeks ago he introduced me to a small cafe inside the Harvest Foods store. We again visited that cafe today. Fried chicken, green beans, and sweet potatoes with a roll and sweat tea. That's hard to beat for $4.99. Discussions between Jeff and I typically stay business related, deals I'm working, prospecting, and questions I have etc. However, today I told him about my dad's doctors appointment yesterday. I wanted to open up with him and tell him about how I feel selfish for pursuing this profession when I could be making more money (now) somewhere else. However, I just ended up explaining dad's medical situation (I'm weak).
Unfortunately, my motorcycle has been sitting out in the weather ever since it starting leaking gas under the stairway at my apartment. My building got a nice little note saying "someone's motorcycle is leaking gas and smelling up the building, please move it immediately." So I did... into the parking lot... in the rain... and ice. Obviously, this is not good for the motorcycle... or me, mentally, because I know it should be covered. I finally had the opportunity today to take care of it. A great opportunity to take the bike to Dustin's presented itself... The only problem, it was 43 degrees. I bundled up... gassed up... and made the trip without incident... just cold hands.
Monday, March 3, 2008
I woke up this morning with a feeling of "I should probably be awake by now." However, being on a trip with my mom, I knew she would take care of making sure I was up... or would she? Now that I was grown, maybe she had quit that routine. Come to find out she had left to get breakfast from McDonalds. Luckily, I get ready fast.
We arrived at the hospital around 8:40 for a 9am appointment. This hospital is amazing at its ability to check-in patients and move them through their appointments with amazing efficiency. We were in to see the doctors by 8:50... and an "all-day" appointment was over at about 12pm.
In a nutshell, we believe dad has ALS... Lou Gehrig's disease. Monday are when all the ALS specialists are at the hospital. We saw a nutrionalist, a speech therapist, and physical therapist, a counselor and then our regular doctor. I honestly believe this appointment was a wasted trip. I will do my best to fully explain my dad's medical situation at another time.
On the way home we stopped at my sisters house to visit. She likes to sleep so we assumed that's why she wasn't answering the door. She left the house unlocked so we walked in... my mom checked the bedroom, and I checked the living room... just as my sister walks around the corner without a top! Luckily, she is a very fast draw and covered herself before I was mentally wounded. I say all that to say this... lock your doors when you have nosy family and are planning to walk around naked.
When we arrived home I began to pack my things to leave while mom fixed dad something to eat. As I entered the kitchen dad attempted to eat some oatmeal... and it went down the wrong pipe. It was quite obvious he couldn't breathe. Mom got behind him and tried the heimlich(sp?). I jumped in and was able to help him gulp a few breathes before he got the food up. Luckily dad has decided to get a feeding tube... something that he has been refusing for several months.
I know it has to be tough to concede certain things in life. As long as you can walk, you feel independent. As long as you can talk you don't feel alone. As long as you can see, you feel connected with your surroundings. As long as you can work, you feel like a man. What happens to your confidence, emotions, spirit, will to live when you begin to concede that you can no longer do those things. For a while now, my mom has been the only one able to understand what dad is saying. On occasion he will say, "I used to work." What is like to feel like a burden? He can't talk. What's it like to live day to day without the ability to express your feeling, your love, your anger? What's it like to not be able to eat? At what point will he realize that there's a good chance he won't get better? Was that why he refused the feeding tube? Did he know that would be a clear mark of a point of no return. Was he thinking, "as long as I feed myself, I will be OK." I am dreading the day he can no longer walk. He has worked hard his entire life. Work made him feel whole. What happens when he can no longer move? I don't want to think about it... it hurts me too much to know what he will be experiencing.
During lunch on Sunday, my dad pointed out the window towards the area he cleared more than a year before. He said something that I could not understand. After several attempts mom was able to interpret, "build me a shop." Dad has always dreamed of having somewhere to put his tools... to park his tractor... to work on his vehicle... a place of his own... However, after all the years of hard work, providing a wonderful, simple life for us, he has never been able to have one. About a year ago he cleared an area and prepared for a slab. I'm not sure why that slab was never poured, but it wasn't.
I, more than anything, want to be able to build dad a shop. I know he may never get to use it, but I truly believe he would be a happier man knowing that goal was achieved. I just don't know how to make that happen. I don't have the knowledge to build the shop... I don't have the money to pay someone to build it... and even if I did, I know I wouldn't do it like he had in mind. I just don't want to live with a regret of knowing I could have made him happy with a little sacrifice when he has sacrificed so much, everything, for his family. I pray that God will allow me, show me a way to fulfill this goal.
We arrived at the hospital around 8:40 for a 9am appointment. This hospital is amazing at its ability to check-in patients and move them through their appointments with amazing efficiency. We were in to see the doctors by 8:50... and an "all-day" appointment was over at about 12pm.
In a nutshell, we believe dad has ALS... Lou Gehrig's disease. Monday are when all the ALS specialists are at the hospital. We saw a nutrionalist, a speech therapist, and physical therapist, a counselor and then our regular doctor. I honestly believe this appointment was a wasted trip. I will do my best to fully explain my dad's medical situation at another time.
On the way home we stopped at my sisters house to visit. She likes to sleep so we assumed that's why she wasn't answering the door. She left the house unlocked so we walked in... my mom checked the bedroom, and I checked the living room... just as my sister walks around the corner without a top! Luckily, she is a very fast draw and covered herself before I was mentally wounded. I say all that to say this... lock your doors when you have nosy family and are planning to walk around naked.
When we arrived home I began to pack my things to leave while mom fixed dad something to eat. As I entered the kitchen dad attempted to eat some oatmeal... and it went down the wrong pipe. It was quite obvious he couldn't breathe. Mom got behind him and tried the heimlich(sp?). I jumped in and was able to help him gulp a few breathes before he got the food up. Luckily dad has decided to get a feeding tube... something that he has been refusing for several months.
I know it has to be tough to concede certain things in life. As long as you can walk, you feel independent. As long as you can talk you don't feel alone. As long as you can see, you feel connected with your surroundings. As long as you can work, you feel like a man. What happens to your confidence, emotions, spirit, will to live when you begin to concede that you can no longer do those things. For a while now, my mom has been the only one able to understand what dad is saying. On occasion he will say, "I used to work." What is like to feel like a burden? He can't talk. What's it like to live day to day without the ability to express your feeling, your love, your anger? What's it like to not be able to eat? At what point will he realize that there's a good chance he won't get better? Was that why he refused the feeding tube? Did he know that would be a clear mark of a point of no return. Was he thinking, "as long as I feed myself, I will be OK." I am dreading the day he can no longer walk. He has worked hard his entire life. Work made him feel whole. What happens when he can no longer move? I don't want to think about it... it hurts me too much to know what he will be experiencing.
During lunch on Sunday, my dad pointed out the window towards the area he cleared more than a year before. He said something that I could not understand. After several attempts mom was able to interpret, "build me a shop." Dad has always dreamed of having somewhere to put his tools... to park his tractor... to work on his vehicle... a place of his own... However, after all the years of hard work, providing a wonderful, simple life for us, he has never been able to have one. About a year ago he cleared an area and prepared for a slab. I'm not sure why that slab was never poured, but it wasn't.
I, more than anything, want to be able to build dad a shop. I know he may never get to use it, but I truly believe he would be a happier man knowing that goal was achieved. I just don't know how to make that happen. I don't have the knowledge to build the shop... I don't have the money to pay someone to build it... and even if I did, I know I wouldn't do it like he had in mind. I just don't want to live with a regret of knowing I could have made him happy with a little sacrifice when he has sacrificed so much, everything, for his family. I pray that God will allow me, show me a way to fulfill this goal.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
A quick 5 hour nap later... and I'm off! I left Hot Springs around 9:50am to make the 2 hour drive to my parents house in Atlanta. I arrived in Atlanta at 12pm on the dot... made a trip to Wal-mart to get a card for my sister, then headed home.
I beat everyone (except dad) home by about 15 minutes... which I used to prepare Lisa's B-Day card. I'm so bad at doing these types of things in advance. Which is really strange because I'm one of the most prepared guys you will ever meet. Maybe that the key "prepared guys" probably something quite different from "prepared girls."
Although Lisa's birthday was 5 days ago... this was the first opportunity for us all to get together to celebrate. This was something I took for granted growing up... assuming all families made a big deal out birthdays. However, it is something that I now cherish with my family... and do my best to keep the tradition alive. After the wonderful lunch my mom prepared, watching my dad struggle to eat, and giving Lukas dirty looks for not eating his food... it was time for birthday cake! I ate too much. 2 bowls of cake and ice-cream... for which I paid for later.
Not knowing what to get Lisa for her birthday... and not being in a situation financially to do much anyway, I bought her something off the wall... and a bit unique. It was something that I would have thought interesting, although I'm not sure she felt the same way. It was a DVD with 150 classic cartoons from Betty Boop to Popeye and everywhere in between. We broke it out following lunch while Mom and Dad were getting ready to head to Dallas. Two things I learned from Betty Boop: She was a little slutty... and you can't take a nap during her singings. If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch a few episodes.
About 3pm mom, dad, and I left for Dallas. Monday morning would be dad's second visit to the MDA Clinic at Southwestern Hospital. We made great time... 2 hours and 40 minutes from house to hotel... checked in without a hitch... and hunkered down for an evening of extreme makeover home edition, oprah's "giving" debut, and some debut of a married couples show. It was actually quite enjoyable.
I beat everyone (except dad) home by about 15 minutes... which I used to prepare Lisa's B-Day card. I'm so bad at doing these types of things in advance. Which is really strange because I'm one of the most prepared guys you will ever meet. Maybe that the key "prepared guys" probably something quite different from "prepared girls."
Although Lisa's birthday was 5 days ago... this was the first opportunity for us all to get together to celebrate. This was something I took for granted growing up... assuming all families made a big deal out birthdays. However, it is something that I now cherish with my family... and do my best to keep the tradition alive. After the wonderful lunch my mom prepared, watching my dad struggle to eat, and giving Lukas dirty looks for not eating his food... it was time for birthday cake! I ate too much. 2 bowls of cake and ice-cream... for which I paid for later.
Not knowing what to get Lisa for her birthday... and not being in a situation financially to do much anyway, I bought her something off the wall... and a bit unique. It was something that I would have thought interesting, although I'm not sure she felt the same way. It was a DVD with 150 classic cartoons from Betty Boop to Popeye and everywhere in between. We broke it out following lunch while Mom and Dad were getting ready to head to Dallas. Two things I learned from Betty Boop: She was a little slutty... and you can't take a nap during her singings. If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch a few episodes.
About 3pm mom, dad, and I left for Dallas. Monday morning would be dad's second visit to the MDA Clinic at Southwestern Hospital. We made great time... 2 hours and 40 minutes from house to hotel... checked in without a hitch... and hunkered down for an evening of extreme makeover home edition, oprah's "giving" debut, and some debut of a married couples show. It was actually quite enjoyable.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Today should be a good day. A good friend of mine that works for an electrical wholesaler is taking a group of architects, engineers, and real estate professional to Hot Springs for the weekend. His family also owns a condo on the lake... so we will be staying the night (convenient).
Oaklawn, Arkansas' only horse track is quite the attraction throughout central Arkansas and brings out all types of people. Fortunately, or not, I typically don't gamble on horses (or much anything else for that matter). I made a bet with myself that I would likely walk away better off than at least 3/4 of the crew I went with. Actually, I think only one person came out ahead (maybe $10). So, my theory held true.
However, not betting when you are spending an entire day at the horse track can be a bit boring. Races, and the moments leading up to them seem to take on a whole new meaning when you have money riding on the results. I actually did bet on the 7th race, turquoise #9, it came in third... $2 to Oaklawn.
At this point I had yet to figure out who was paying for everything. At the track, other than bets, everything was being taken care of. Then after the races, we dropped by a bar across the street, where everything was taken care of. Then it was off to Doe's Eat Place... not exactly a cheap dinner venue, where everything was taken care of. Come to find out, my friend and another guy were expensing this trip on the company... for goodwill / customer generation purposes. Works for me.
Following dinner, we literally walked across the parking lot to Smylys crab shack. For some reason Hot Springs does not attract your typical Little Rock crowd at an after-hours joint. This crew was mostly 30-40 yr old couples, bikers, and a handful of 60+ that were dressed (or undressed) to impress. However, after a couple of drinks I began to enjoy watching the attempts at dancing... the mostly failed pickup attempts from across the bar... and the machoisms being thrown around. Made for an interesting night.
Oaklawn, Arkansas' only horse track is quite the attraction throughout central Arkansas and brings out all types of people. Fortunately, or not, I typically don't gamble on horses (or much anything else for that matter). I made a bet with myself that I would likely walk away better off than at least 3/4 of the crew I went with. Actually, I think only one person came out ahead (maybe $10). So, my theory held true.
However, not betting when you are spending an entire day at the horse track can be a bit boring. Races, and the moments leading up to them seem to take on a whole new meaning when you have money riding on the results. I actually did bet on the 7th race, turquoise #9, it came in third... $2 to Oaklawn.
At this point I had yet to figure out who was paying for everything. At the track, other than bets, everything was being taken care of. Then after the races, we dropped by a bar across the street, where everything was taken care of. Then it was off to Doe's Eat Place... not exactly a cheap dinner venue, where everything was taken care of. Come to find out, my friend and another guy were expensing this trip on the company... for goodwill / customer generation purposes. Works for me.
Following dinner, we literally walked across the parking lot to Smylys crab shack. For some reason Hot Springs does not attract your typical Little Rock crowd at an after-hours joint. This crew was mostly 30-40 yr old couples, bikers, and a handful of 60+ that were dressed (or undressed) to impress. However, after a couple of drinks I began to enjoy watching the attempts at dancing... the mostly failed pickup attempts from across the bar... and the machoisms being thrown around. Made for an interesting night.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Ah the wonderful feeling of starting a Friday with little to nothing pressing to accomplish. I had promised to show a prospect one of my co-workers listings at 3pm... but there was plenty of time to prepare for that one.
The phone rings at 9:51am... of course my screen is broke on my phone so I can't tell who it is. The Chairman of the Toastmaster speech contest is on the other end of the line. His question, "so are you ready to compete today?" Although I told him a week prior that I was interested in speaking in the contest, he had never called back to confirm, nor was I listed in a mass email to the club listing contestants. However, his desperation over only having 3 contestants for the contest, led me to reluctantly agree to participate.
The contest would begin at 12pm on the west side of Little Rock. I would need to be there 15 minutes early and it takes 15 minutes to get there. According to my calculations that gave me approximately 1.5 hours to prepare a 7 minute speech good enough to win the speech contest. Where to begin? Since I was in my office, I have access to 3 crucial tools for successful speech writing: 1. computer 2. internet 3. dry-erase board.
There was an interesting example used in the previous Sunday's sermon on getting trapped. Luckily the sermons are posted online, so I queued it up and listened to how the example was setup. His example would not quite work for me, so I jumped on the internet to find other examples of traps. I stumbled upon something about monkeys that stick their hands into jars full of food, which are secured to trees. The mouth of the jar is large enough for the monkey to stick its empty hand into, but small enough where they can't get their hand out when full of food. This seemed to be just what I needed to work with.
As I sketched the speech structure on my white board, I started with the story of the monkeys, implemented two stories of people that seemed to be trapped, and concluded with a solid, "let's get real" session between me and the audience. I even had 10 minutes to spare to run through it once... for timing reasons.
Although I feel very comfortable speaking in front of this club, it is always a bit tough to "compete" in this type of situation. The speech went off without a hitch... except for a close call on timing. A speaker will get disqualified if the speech is over 7 minutes 30 seconds. I would be surprised if my speech wasn't 7 minutes 28 seconds. I thought for sure when the judges announced that someone was disqualified for timing reasons, that I was the culprit. However, when the results were announced, I was the big winner! A $20 gift card to Barnes & Noble and being qualified to compete at the next level was my reward. More on that to come.
The showing of the duplex at 10 Rosemunn was a success. Although the listing agent was in Dallas, and I didn't have all the answers... I believe I represented the professionalism and courtesy that our firm represents. And as always, I measure my effectiveness by the results. We received an offer from the client about 1 hour after the showing... and as of yesterday it is under contract. Now, if I could just get about 15 listings of my own I would be alright.
I decided Friday night would be a great time to watch a movie... and there was a showdown between Atonement & Vantage Point. Vantage Point won out, but I was fully prepared to sit through Atonement (I've since learned that this is actually a good movie). The movie was interesting, although a bit frustrating. Much like groundhog day, it played the same scene over and over again, only from the vantage point of different people. By the end, the audience was able to put together the full story... interesting and thought provoking concept.
However, each time the scene started over there was a very audible groan throughout the audience (I confirmed this with someone who watched it elsewhere as well). I have a theory as to why people react this way. As a society we are so anxious to move into the future or into a new situation before we really understand the entirety and complexity of our current situation. I think this is a result of our assumption that things always get better as we move forward... electronics get cheaper, your house value goes up, etc. However, I think on a simple level this movie reminded me to re-examine situations that occur everyday and explore different vantage points before moving on to something else. Over analyzation? Maybe.
And... to bed early to prepare for a long weekend at the horse races... off to Dallas... and back.
The phone rings at 9:51am... of course my screen is broke on my phone so I can't tell who it is. The Chairman of the Toastmaster speech contest is on the other end of the line. His question, "so are you ready to compete today?" Although I told him a week prior that I was interested in speaking in the contest, he had never called back to confirm, nor was I listed in a mass email to the club listing contestants. However, his desperation over only having 3 contestants for the contest, led me to reluctantly agree to participate.
The contest would begin at 12pm on the west side of Little Rock. I would need to be there 15 minutes early and it takes 15 minutes to get there. According to my calculations that gave me approximately 1.5 hours to prepare a 7 minute speech good enough to win the speech contest. Where to begin? Since I was in my office, I have access to 3 crucial tools for successful speech writing: 1. computer 2. internet 3. dry-erase board.
There was an interesting example used in the previous Sunday's sermon on getting trapped. Luckily the sermons are posted online, so I queued it up and listened to how the example was setup. His example would not quite work for me, so I jumped on the internet to find other examples of traps. I stumbled upon something about monkeys that stick their hands into jars full of food, which are secured to trees. The mouth of the jar is large enough for the monkey to stick its empty hand into, but small enough where they can't get their hand out when full of food. This seemed to be just what I needed to work with.
As I sketched the speech structure on my white board, I started with the story of the monkeys, implemented two stories of people that seemed to be trapped, and concluded with a solid, "let's get real" session between me and the audience. I even had 10 minutes to spare to run through it once... for timing reasons.
Although I feel very comfortable speaking in front of this club, it is always a bit tough to "compete" in this type of situation. The speech went off without a hitch... except for a close call on timing. A speaker will get disqualified if the speech is over 7 minutes 30 seconds. I would be surprised if my speech wasn't 7 minutes 28 seconds. I thought for sure when the judges announced that someone was disqualified for timing reasons, that I was the culprit. However, when the results were announced, I was the big winner! A $20 gift card to Barnes & Noble and being qualified to compete at the next level was my reward. More on that to come.
The showing of the duplex at 10 Rosemunn was a success. Although the listing agent was in Dallas, and I didn't have all the answers... I believe I represented the professionalism and courtesy that our firm represents. And as always, I measure my effectiveness by the results. We received an offer from the client about 1 hour after the showing... and as of yesterday it is under contract. Now, if I could just get about 15 listings of my own I would be alright.
I decided Friday night would be a great time to watch a movie... and there was a showdown between Atonement & Vantage Point. Vantage Point won out, but I was fully prepared to sit through Atonement (I've since learned that this is actually a good movie). The movie was interesting, although a bit frustrating. Much like groundhog day, it played the same scene over and over again, only from the vantage point of different people. By the end, the audience was able to put together the full story... interesting and thought provoking concept.
However, each time the scene started over there was a very audible groan throughout the audience (I confirmed this with someone who watched it elsewhere as well). I have a theory as to why people react this way. As a society we are so anxious to move into the future or into a new situation before we really understand the entirety and complexity of our current situation. I think this is a result of our assumption that things always get better as we move forward... electronics get cheaper, your house value goes up, etc. However, I think on a simple level this movie reminded me to re-examine situations that occur everyday and explore different vantage points before moving on to something else. Over analyzation? Maybe.
And... to bed early to prepare for a long weekend at the horse races... off to Dallas... and back.
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